Of all the things I’ll ever do in my lifetime,
Mothering my child will always be my greatest accomplishment.” – Anonymous
My Journey Being a Girl
- Growing up I never had any dreams about a perfect little house, a perfect family and a child running around the house. That just wasn’t me!
- Although I was a dreamer and a fiercely independent girl with eyes full of dreams! No one existed in my dream except me. I always wanted to achieve many things in my life like – perfect line of work, perfect career and my own perfect identity, etc.
- A thought of having a child never touched my mind from afar. I never wanted children. Honestly, I never liked babies or kids in my life. I wasn’t at all “maternal-type“girl (Few years back). I always thought that I will be a disaster as a mother.
- I was pretty sure, I won’t be able to take care of any other person who will be depending on me for anything! (Given that I could not even keep a plant alive for longer than a week).
So, I had it all perfectly planned out; but then LIFE HAPPENED!
How Motherhood Changed Me?
After 4 years of cheerful married life, “having a baby” (task) was still there on our ‘to do’ list.
Somehow we wished to spice up our life and decided to get pregnant in 2013.
I became a mom in 2014 and finally had my very own baby in my arms!
I loved my baby at first sight and after becoming a MOM, it was an entirely new ball game!
I could connect with all the intricate details of my baby. Surprisingly, I was ready to become his shield and had strongest desire to protect and care for this tiny human being. It was some biochemical reaction or hard-wired maternal instinct of female brain/heart that I could only realize after becoming a mom.
All of the things that I had learnt about myself and about my capacity for loving a little human being in my life were absolutely wrong. I don’t know how but my life and heart totally changed in one single moment.
I still have big dreams in my life. There are still so many things I want to do and accomplish in my life. But it is no longer the first thing on my list as of now. It’s crazy how one little person could change priorities in my life.
Few years back, I was not willing to picture my life with a child in it. Now, I can’t imagine my life without my little dynamo. If you are a mother, you know what I exactly mean.
The Pure joys of Motherhood
- This small monkey boy has changed my world in the best possible rewarding way.
- It melts my heart away when he randomly yells out “mama, i love you”.
- It’s always about the little things. Waking up and seeing my baby’s smile, exchanging hugs and kisses with him and the way he giggle over some silly things makes my day.
- I love being a mom because I love baby snuggles, the cuddles, the giggles and the grins!They are the best! Everyday, I get indefinite hugs and kisses from my son. I love how our bond is growing with this unconditional love.
- The trust my son put in me is so strong! He thinks only mama’s kisses can fix all his problems.
- I feel happy when my child is happy. I can have the worst day! But everything is alright in my world, when I see my baby’s innocent smiling face.
- Love collecting these delightful moments of the present. They are all important for me to create some vivid, unforgettable and heartwarming memories to recollect and cherish them tomorrow😊❤❤❤
As, I won’t be able to bring back his childhood and my early motherhood journey tomorrow!
“My house is always loud and messy and that’s ok.
Because one day it will be quiet, spotless and lonely.” – Anonymous
WHAT IS THE BEST THING ABOUT BEING A MOTHER?
- Reliving childhood at the age of 31 and observing the little things in life through my son’s eyes is one of the best parts of being a mom.
- I love to slow down, stop and experience the every possible emotion, reliving childhood moments and soak in the world through my Little one’s eyes.
- I can now see things all shiny and colorful – When he point out to the airplane in the sky with the amusement in his eyes , when he try to follow the little lambs and observe how they eat grass or when he force me with all the excitement to go into the rains and get wet like a child again and whenever he needs his mom as his best friend to share his precious childhood moments, I just try to be with him soulfully.
- I don’t need to behave like an ideal adult every time! I don’t look stupid if I sit on the ground and observe insects for hours, build cities with Lego, can enjoy sand play with my son, I can laugh hysterically at any damn stupid thing if that makes my son happy.
Darker side of my motherhood journey
- Motherhood has been an emotional roller-coaster for me.
One day I feel contented and blessed while the next day I feel so disappointed and ill-fated.
Actually, this journey has changed my Soul itself! In positive and negative both the ways.
- My life is spiraling out of control and I’m responsible to raise a Tiny-Dynamo whose list of needs is unending which sometimes engulfs my own existence. I hope, I won’t be judged as a bad mom for missing, “just being me.”
- Sometimes, I experience devastation, fear of the unknown, anger, the worry, the pain of loneliness and isolation (being a Stay-At-Home-Mom), guilt, discouragement, disappointment, and overwhelm. I feel lost and alone.
- Sometimes I crave for Me-Time. I dream of spending an entire day on my own, reading, shopping, going to a salon or spa, driving a car, eating a meal and drinking hot coffee as soon as it is served on table.
- But these negative emotions sometimes help me to gain self-awareness and self-realisation. I feel overtired, exhausted and sad at times. There is a lot going on in a mother’s mind that causes worry, struggle, sadness and emotional breakdown.
- I have learnt to tell myself that it’s okay to feel lIke that. It is a natural reaction to all sort of motherhood emotions.
- I prefer to be authentic and transparent sometimes. I think it will help my child to have realistic expectations on how life and relationships work practically and to know that we all can go through disappointments, failure, stress and learn how to react to such situations , heal, and regain sanity at our own pace. Also, he can learn how to make heart to heart connections and feel individually empowered. That way he can easily deal with the negativity and failure in life and move on! (Sometimes I consider this as a reality check!)
Of course, I want to raise my child in happy and positive environment. As I know one thing that my influence as a mom is powerful and I need to give my son something great to look at! As he is watching me and my actions all the time. So, I find these negative emotions sinful many times and I feel so guilty for feeling other emotions besides love, being a mom.
But behind this darker side of my motherhood journey, there is a broad spectrum of Infinite optimism !
And that has made my motherhood journey more precious!
I have learnt that, Setting unrealistic motherhood goals can lead to stress and anxiety.
So, I just want to cherish our WE-MOMENTS which I don’t want to miss because of worry and stress!
we can not set goals, measure success, get recognition or awards.
The rewards are hidden and we just try to receive a SENSE OF SATISFACTION everyday,
as we get hugs and kisses and “I LOVE YOU” in BONUS and that makes this journey so reasonable!😊
We can’t wrap up motherhood now! Even if our kids will be 30 and totally independent one day! We’ll still be worrying if they are doing okay. 😀
But that’s the real joy of being a mom to someone.
This is how I felt about Motherhood! Do you have a story to share with me? Would love to hear from you.
The Blog Train
This post is part of a blog train started by Pooja Kawatra of Mums & Babies and she has networked to bring together 41 moms across the globe. Meet all 41 moms here. Pooja has also shared her own views on motherhood here.